Self-care without the guilt

Years ago my mother in-law, whom by the way has fell asleep in death. She told me, she said: girl, you got to buy yourself something every time you get paid. Treat yourself to something. Anything! A very inexpensive pair of earrings (costume jewelry of course). She knew I had a love for costume jewelry. She said even if it's from the dollar tree, buy yourself something. This was selfcare for me many years ago. But I didn't know it. The reason she stressed those sentiments to me, was because she rarely saw me buying anything just for me. I felt good when I could just pay my bills by the due date. I thought this was enough. I thought this was living.

This made me selfish

Making a purchase, even a small one seemed cray, cray to me. Why would I do that? Lol. Years later, I realized that I just did not have a balance view of money. Just spending it, even for a small want, or need, would make me feel bad, guilty, anxious and nervous. That feeling spilled over into how I viewed sharing what I had with others. For example: avoiding a wedding, because I didn't think I could afford to give anything. So why should I even attend? Listen y'all, hubs and I struggle was real. For real! This was no exaggeration. If spending money wasn't for a bill, food or rent. I didn't feel right spending it. The problem was, I was over thinking my spending habits. This made me selfish! I was so afraid to spend money on me, and especially on anyone else. My mother in-law was able to readjust my unbalanced thinking. I watched how giving and self-less she was, and she was one of the most happiest people I had ever meet. This is where my thinking started to shift. I could just give my best and forget the rest. Give someone a gift, from my heart, and out of my surplas. Buy myself something, within my means. But do it, and without guilt. But a great lesson that I learned from moms-in-law, was self-care and how not to be selfish but self-less. That lesson has changed my life in so many ways, that a simple blog post can not explain.

I soon learned it was okay. It was okay to make a purchase on me. It was okay to treat myself to an occasional day of girly shopping and be balance about it. It was an investment in me. It was ok to give someone a gift card, or a nice gift. I felt happier after working 40 hours or more a week and was able to buy myself something, anything. I learned this lesson over 25 years ago, and giving what I can to someone else has made me so much happier over the years. There is real happiness in giving. It is not cliché, it is #facts. It's the truth. There it is, a simple remedy for unhappiness. I also feel no guilt when I treat myself anymore. I live a balance life with some self indulgence, and I am content with that. But I do believe in balance. Coincidentally this has helped to make my work more productive. I started to look forward to my weekly treats. So I am not saying that you should live beyond your means. Or get your self into debt. Noooo, but it's ok to treat yourself to something, anything. Every now and then. It's okay! Even it it's from the Dollar Tree, which I happen to obese over now.